


Self-Preservation

by TimeLadyoftheSith



Category: Doctor Who
Genre: BAMF Rose, F/M, Fighting, Rose Gets Revenge, Rose Sets Her Younger Self Free, mentions of domestic violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-23
Updated: 2017-05-24
Packaged: 2018-11-03 22:50:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10977000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TimeLadyoftheSith/pseuds/TimeLadyoftheSith
Summary: Rose, Jack, and Nine are heading back to the TARDIS after a small adventure in London. They happen past a building in time to overhear a domestic abuse. Why does Rose know everything that the couple is about to do or say before they do? Why did Rose steal Jack's sonic gun and chase after the man?One hyphenated word is the explanation: Self-PreservationSorta inspired by the song Gunpowder and Lead, but not really.





	1. Chapter 1

"The look on your face though Rosie!" Jack laughed and bumped into her playfully. Rose wanted to scowl at him, really, but the adrenaline of their adventure and the anticlimactic ending have her in a bubbly state of mind. She laced her fingers through hers and giggled.

"Like a codfish!" The Doctor guffawed, throwing his arm around Rose's shoulder. His leather sleeve brushed against her neck in the process. She looked up just in time to see him mimic her surprised face.

"Oh, screw you both." She laughed. "You told me those were vicious, power hungry monsters! What was I supposed to do?!" Rose jabbed an elbow into each of their ribs and stuck her nose in the air.

They had played quite the joke, convincing her that Vulosky hatchlings were a terror to behold. The whole time they were tracking them down, dodging through the London underground tunnels to various power grid locations, they talked about how these things would eat and eat. They said they would devour the whole of England's electricity network in under a week. So of course, she was ramped up for a battle that would end up with them barely escaping.

What did she get?! A friggin flock of palm sized pink birds that looked like a cross between a penguin and a parrot, that's what! Power hungry her arse! Their beaks could barely cut through the electric lines, much less bring the country to a power shortage in a week. Of course she had gawked like a calf seeing a gate for the first time. Although, rounding all fifty of the tiny things had been a hassle. The mother, who was nesting in the abandoned warehouse they had just left, had been grateful. She, on the other hand, was the size of a van, and her teal beak could have cut them in half had she wanted.

"Best prank so far, Doc." Jack crowed, squeezing Rose's hand playfully. "God, that was a great idea."

The Doctor was too lost in a fit of snickers to respond. Rose almost wished they were bickering instead of plotting. She rolled her eyes at the pair as they rounded the corner to a shabby looking building of flats. They looked mostly empty, but a light was on inside one on the second floor. From that one, a loud man's voice screeched through the open window.

"Next time! Don't burn the chicken you stupid slut!" There was the sound of metal hitting a wall. That voice brought Rose to a stop. Her stomach clenched, and her veins ran cold. Her boys stumbled to a halt, at her lack of movement.

"Holy cow." Jack let out a low whistle. His eyes traveled up to where the voices were coming from. "What a bastard. Should we call the cops?" He dug for the phone Rose had bought him to use when they landed in the twenty-first century.

"Wait." The Doctor's voice was low, and he pulled them into the shadows.

Nobody was going to call the cops. Rose knew that. She knew exactly what was going to happen next. "I'm sorry." She muttered, drawing two pairs of eyes to her, as she stared up at the window

"I'm sorry." The wavering voice echoed her reply. The tears almost made the voice unrecognizable to her ears, and she doubted the men beside her recognized it either.

"Please, just stay home tonight." Rose whispered again, softer, her fingers clenching around their palms. "Cue the lamp." She breathed that with a sickened snarl

"Please, just stay home tonight!" The woman gasped. The reply came in the form of a lamp flying across the room in view window and crashing into the wall.

"Did Rose become psychic?" Jack hissed over her head to the Doctor.

"Rose, what are you doing?" The Doctor tugged her hand, wriggling away from the sting of her nails.

"Three, two, one." Rose counted tilting her head to the side. It was strange, like watching a film she'd seen a hundred times.

A resounding crack echoed out of the open window, and was followed by the slam of a door. Jack and the Doctor both jumped, startled by the sound. Something snapped inside of Rose, something that had been brewing and festering for years. Rage clouded her vision, a boiling, deafening thing she had never experienced before in her life.

She knew what happened this night. This was the night he didn't come home. This was the night that he walked out and never came back. Rose had to make sure it happened just like that. She thrust her hand into Jack's waist band and snagged his sonic squareness gun, and she took off running.

Jack and the Doctor were too stunned by what they saw above to register her movement at first. Rose didn't have to look up to know what had their attention. There would be a nearly eighteen year old girl standing in front of the window, holding a bag of frozen over her cheek and a napkin to her bleeding nose. She would have long blonde hair and amber hazel eyes. She'd be wearing a pair of pink track pants and a white shirt stained with fresh blood. She'd climb out the window to run up to the roof, where her sobbing wouldn't bother the few neighbors. Her friends would be seeing the girl she had hidden away so many years ago. They would see the Rose that had been controlled by fear.

Rose ran, ducking around the building to the alley than ran two whole blocks and led to his favorite pub. She knew the route, though it had been three and a half years. There he was, swaggering along, as if he owned this neighborhood. He had, she recalled, he and his pathetic group of friends.

Years of repressed hatred and disgust broiled out of her, and she picked up her pace. Tucking the gun in her waistband, Rose grabbed him by the back of his shirt and spun him around. "Hello!" She sneered and smashed her fist into his jaw.

"What the fuck you crazy bitch." Jimmy stumbled back, holding his jaw. His eyes blew wide as recognition and confusion warred in his beer hazed mossy eyes. "Rose? What? You're not my Rose."

"Oh, I'm Rose!" She gave a cold laugh and shook her hair. "But I haven't been your Rose for a long time." She balled her fist and swung again, catching him off guard. "I'm Rose from the future, and that's all you need to know."

Going on the defensive, Jimmy fought back. He grabbed at her wrists, but Rose was faster. A year of fighting and escaping on her adventures with the Doctor had honed her skills. She blocked him, twisting his arm and shoving him to the ground. She fell on him, slamming her knee with all her weight into his groin, making him howl in rage and pain.

While he was writhing, she whipped the sonic squareness gun from her pants ad stuck it in his face. "How's it feel, Jimmy?" She whispered. "When it's me dishing out the beatings? Makes you feel weak, yeah? Scared?"

Jimmy froze, panting, as he took in the gun in his face. "You aren't Rose. You can't be." He groaned in pain, blood trickling from the corner of his mouth. "I just left her at home, and she is younger than you with longer hair." It was slightly amusing to see him trying to logic this away. It was immensely satisfying to see his face swollen and bleeding. "She put you up to this? Fucking slut, I know she couldn't pay you, so what is she offering? She agree to lick your"

Rose cut him off by bashing the butt of the gun into his teeth. Her fury nearly drowned at the sound of two pairs of boots thundering down the alley. She ignored them, pointing the gun back at him.

Jimmy spat blood at her face, and Rose let it spatter across her cheek. She couldn't be bothered to let him think he was in control. "Bet that gun is fake." Jimmy sneered, trying to roll her off.

Rose shoved down with all her weight, and then flicked the gun to lethal setting. Jack had taught her how, as a precaution. She fired at a pile of bags to their right and fired. This caused Jimmy to squeal in a very unmanly fashion. She heard two voices bellow her name as the pounding steps grew closer.

"Oh it's real, you bastard." Rose hissed, pressing the barrel to his forehead. "And here's how this is going to go. Tomorrow, when I go to work, you're going to go home and pack your shit. Then you are going to get the fuck out of the city. If you don't, I'll know." Rose pressed harder, grinding the cold metal into the bone. "If you don't, I'll know. If you try to go home tonight, this will get much worse."

"Rose!" The cool hand of the Doctor curled around hers on the gun. "Rose, sweetheart, let go of the gun."

"Back off Doctor." Rose shoved his hand away. "Now, Jimmy Stone, if you want to live, say you'll leave younger me alone forever. If you even so much as call me again, I'll make your life hell."

There was a earsplitting sound and the gun flew from Rose's grasp. It hit the ground and skittered across the concrete to Jack's outstretched hand. Cool hands closed around Rose's upper arms and hauled her back. "Rose Marion Tyler?!" The Doctor gave her a gentle shake as he pulled her to her feet. "You're crossing your own time stream! Remember when your dad died?! What the hell are you thinking?"

"Doctor...." Jack could see the murderous look Rose knew she was shooting at Jimmy. "Let her go. I've got the gun."

Jimmy was scrambling to his feet, and Rose yanked at the Doctor's grip. Damn his superior strength, she couldn't break free. "Touch me again Jimmy Stone!" Rose screamed after his feeling form. "And you'll wish you were never born!"

When Jimmy was out of sight, Rose rounded on the Doctor. Heated anger still brewed in her system, but this time there was a nee recipient. How dare he shake her like that? How dare he interfere with her setting a portion her own timeline into motion. Hauling back, she delivered an open palmed slap to his face that would have even made Jackie gasp. "Don't you EVER shake me again Doctor!" She shoved away from him. "You know nothing!" Without looking back, Rose rook off running.

Tears clenched her chest, and her lungs burned as she shot into the street and dashed through traffic to the TARDIS. As she fumbled with the key, the doors swung open. The low frequency hum of the ship washed into her brain, fear and confusion trickling out incomprehensibly as Rose fled down the halls to her room. She slammed the door shut just as the voices of the Doctor and Jack echoed down the hall.

Rose threw herself at her closet, digging for a box. The box she had brought on board to remind herself of why she was strong, why she could do everything she did. She wasn't afraid of space monsters, because she had survived the worst kind before. Rose found it, and she drug it down off a shelf. She pulled off the lid, staring down at the ratty diaries and faded photo album. Everything from her two years as Jimmy's personal punching bag and sex toy was inside. All of the photos of bruises and stitches, all of the doctor's notes for missing school and work.

There was a knock at her door, and Rose was shocked to hear Jack's calm and concerned voice instead of the Doctor's. "Rosie, sweetheart, talk to us. What was that about? Let us help!"

Rose swallowed, fear pouring into her for a moment. What would they think? How could she explain it. Fingers trembling, she crossed the room to the door. She yanked it open, resting the box between her chest and the wall, and found them both waiting for her with confused but worried faces. "This is what it's about." She whispered and shoved the box into the Doctor's arms. Without waiting any longer, Rose slammed the door and locked it. Looking down at her swollen knuckles and bloody shirt, she heaved a sigh and headed towards her ensuite to shower.


	2. Chapter 2

Jack and the Doctor stared at the wooden door before them. "Oooookay...." Jack gave a low whistle and turned to the Doctor. Rose had just gone completely bonkers and even the Doctor looked confused.

"That was Rose, climbing the fire escape." The Doctor murmured, clutching the box. "I didn't realize it until she said his name." He had only heard it once, before they even friends. She had mentioned it over lunch with nestene duplicate Mickey.

"Well, that's the easy part to figure out." Jack shook his head. It was rare to see the Doctor look so utterly shell shocked, and he didn't like it. "Shall we go look?"

"Yeah." The Doctor could nearly feel the sorrow and pain sealed inside the box as he carried it to the galley. He knew Jack was following behind him, uncharacteristically quiet.

Jack watched as the Doctor set the box down, and he dug out a bottle of Andullian brandy and two cups. Pouring them each a glass, he took the chair across from the scowling Time Lord.

The Doctor tossed back a swallow of the alcohol, humming in gratitude as the Time Agent had picked one of the few brands that could give him a slight buzz. He had a feeling he was going to need it.

Jack let the Doctor pull the lid off, and together they reached in. Each pulled out a diary. They shared a look, agreeing silently to not read aloud, and settled into their tasks. Things in Jack's diary started off lovely. This was obviously the beginning, judging by the dates and doodles. Rose had met this really great guy named Jimmy. He was just a brooding bad boy with a sweet side. He showered her with small gifts and late night motorcycle rides. He even snuck her into his concerts. To Jack, this seemed the beginning stages of puppylove.

The Doctor was not so lucky. His first entry was the night Jimmy first hit Rose. She thought it was her fault, because she'd kissed his friend Mark on the cheek. Tiny tear stains dotted the page, smudging the ink. Then everything got progressively worse. Each page the Doctor thumbed through threatened to waken the storm in his soul. How dare this man touch Rose like this? He wanted to find him and finish what Rose had started.

Jack needed another shot by the time he finished the first diary and reached for another. He thought he knew Rose, but this was a whole other girl she had never shown. This girl went on about how she needed to lose weight or find some way to make herself more attractive. Then maybe Jimmy would be happy with her. This woman blamed herself for the kick to the gut when she accidentally burned his favorite shirt with the iron. This Rose was so lost, Jack didn't think he'd recognize her if they passed on the street.

The Doctor looked up by the time he had sped through the third book, and he saw Jack's eyes glossy with tears. The Doctor would have spoken, but there was a knot of emotion in his chest so large his respiratory bypass was threatening to kick in. Instead, he poured himself another drink.

Together the pair poured through page after page. Sometimes it seemed like he had changed his ways, but Jimmy never stayed sweet long. Both men were equally confounded at how the feisty woman they knew had endured this for two and a half years. By the time they reached the end, everything made more sense. Now they knew why Rose wore such heavy makeup, why she rebelled and fired back at the occasional misogynistic species they met. Finally, together they read the last entry. Rose had come home to a flat that was picked clean. She had broken her lease and moved back in with her mum.

As they opened up the photo album, they saw the changes visibly. Sixteen year old Rose was the picture of innocence. Her clothes bespoke joy and eagerness. In her eyes, as she gazed up at the man they had met earlier, they saw dreams as wide as the universe. However, the more the pictures progressed, the more their companion withered. She lost weight, her bones gradually began to show through her skin.

Sometimes her face showed bruises or scabs. Her arms, legs, and neck were never shown. Even in photos that were clearly in the dead of summer, Rose was covered up. Her makeup grew heavier, and her smile was gone. Those lively eyes were hollow and empty. The last few pages were free of the monster that had broken her, only pictures of her alone or with her mum. The last page held a single photo. Rose looked a little healthier, wearing a pink short sleeve shirt, and a pair of shorts. She was holding hands with Mickey, but the look in her eyes wasn't love. It was resignation, like she had decided that being safe was better than looking further.

The Doctor closed the album and slid it back in the box. He stared down at his hands, rubbing his thumbs over his knuckles. Anger, regret, and some emotion he had been ignoring for months battled inside of him. How many times had he called her a stupid ape? Insulted her? Made a snide comment about her outfits or makeup? They were comments he made toward all humans, and nowhere near as harsh as the ones he tossed at the Time Agent across from him. Yet now, they seemed more like slaps to her face instead of his grumpiness. "I shook her tonight." He growled at himself. "No wonder she slapped me."

"Fuck, Doc." Jack rubbed his hands across his face. He was at a loss for what to do. All he wanted was to track that bastard down and dump him on some backwater slave planet. The Doctor, however, bore his typical look of self deprecation. "You didn't know. How could you have known?"

"It doesn't matter, Harkness!" The Doctor surged to his feet and slammed his fist to the table. Every fiber of his being was flooded with the urge to hunt Jimmy down and throw him into a black hole. They needed to get the TARDIS in flight, but he didn't trust himself to walk into the control room. "Go launch the TARDIS into the vortex. I'll put this away."

Jack was a bit stunned that the Doctor gave him permission to fly his precious ship, but he didn't argue. He hurried down the hall to the console room and began the sequences to get her into flight.

Once alone, the Doctor placed everything back into the box of nightmares just as it had been. Then he went to work making Rose's favorite comfort food, vanilla ice cream on a hot brownie, and a small glass of milk. He balanced the tray on the box and headed down the hall to her room. He was at a loss for words, a rare thing for him, as he came to a halt.

Jack found the Doctor at Rose's door, his arms full. He knocked softly, hoping Rose was still awake. There was a soft sound of footsteps and the door opened slowly. Rose was freshly showered, wearing a pair of bagging sleep pants and a tank top. "Rose." He started to say, but the Doctor cut him off.

"We understand." The Doctor did. He didn't condone her behavior, but he understood the cause. "May we come in?" Rose looked exhausted, like she had been half asleep when they came to call. She nodded and stepped back.

Together they walked into her room. Jack took the box from the Doctor and watched as Rose settled on the bed. The Doctor handed her the tray and stood there, staring at her with that gaze that spoke more of his emotions than his words. Those two fools could deny it all they wanted, but they were in love.

"In the closet." Rose's soft voice made the Doctor's hearts melt. It sounded so dark, hollow almost, like when she woke from one of her nightmares. Now that he knew what caused them, all he wanted to do was hold her in his arms and fight them away forever. She patted the mattress next to her, and he settled down beside her silently.

Jack put the box away, tucking it beneath some discarded duffle bags and shoes. Then he joined them on the bed. He had never seen either of them so close without touching, and it seemed wrong. "I'm sorry, Rose." The Doctor's apology apparently caught Rose off guard as much as it did Jack.

"Never do it again." Rose grumbled, and the Doctor's throat clenched as she flicked her honey eyes at him with such coldness. She went back to picking at her snack with the spoon.

"Never again. I swear." The Doctor knew how repetitive his words must sound, and he wondered how often she had heard them before. He waited for her to scoff them off, show disbelief. If she did, he knew he'd lost her.

"I believe you." Rose stabbed at her snack again before tossing her spoon down. Jack snatched the tray and slid it to the floor behind him. There was only one solution to Rose when she got in a mood like this, and that was snuggling. He sought the Doctor's eyes and saw understanding register in the blue depths. Jack slid his arms around Rose from behind, holding her gently.

The Doctor watched as Jack took the initiative, and jealousy flared to life for a brief moment. He stamped it away, reminding himself that this was about Rose. He folded his arms around Rose's shoulders, resting his chin on her head. This position had him close to Jack's face, and he rolled his eyes at the Time Agent made a kissy noise at him.

"Oi!" Rose yelped from between them. "No snogging while I'm in the middle!" She bumped her forehead agains the Doctor's chest and Jack yelped as he felt her pinch his arm. He held her tight, waiting to feel the trembling tension in her ease away. Sometimes it took seconds, other times it took fifteen or twenty minutes. Either way, he knew what she needed.

The Doctor stroked Rose's shoulder blades with his fingers. He tried hard not to focus on how soft snd delicate she felt. He tried even harder not to remember the bruises that had marred her skin. It took approximately eleven minutes, forty three seconds, and twenty two milliseconds for Rose to finally relax against him.

"Jack." Rose's voice was muffled by the Doctor's coat, but Jack gave her a gentle squeeze to acknowledge her word. "I need to talk to the Doctor alone." Jack nodded, though she couldn't see him, and unwrapped his arms. He placed a soft kiss to the back of her head, and then scooped up the tray of food and left them in peace.

The Doctor's hearts began to pound. He just knew she hadn't forgiven him for touching her like he had tonight, he didn't blame her a bit. After learning what he had, he was surprised he hadn't been slapped yet. He waited for her to say she was leaving, to walk out of his life forever.

"Doctor." She was still burying her face in his jacket, so her voice was slightly muffled.

"Yes Rose?" He braced himself for her to leave, swallowing hard and holding her tighter.

"Can I sleep in your room tonight?" 


	3. Chapter 3

Rose knew it was probably a stupid question to ask. She had never slept in his room. The Doctor had slept in hers before, but there seemed to be an unspoken law about any companion having access to his inner sanctum. She absolutely did not want to sleep alone, nor did she want to sleep in her room. Despite the Doctor's harsh words this evening, and the soft way he had shaken her, Rose wasn't mad at her. She knew without two things without a doubt. One, the Doctor would never do such a thing again, and two, he didn't blame her one bit for her actions.

"We could sleep in here." The Doctor's voice was conflicted, and Rose swallowed back a sigh. "I'll stay 'til you wake up if you want." For a moment Rose thought she felt lips brush against the crown of her head.

It wasn't enough for her though. Despite the rage she had displayed hours before, she still felt a little broken inside. She needed to be somewhere that she felt truly safe and secure. Rose wanted to be somewhere the nightmares in her mind were afraid to travel. "Please, Doctor?" She felt him cave in at those two words.

"Just this once." The Doctor sighed, and he released her. She watched as he stood, resignation on his face but uncertainty and hesitancy in his eyes. He held out his hand and helped her to her feet.

They headed down the hall, and Rose was not surprised at the twisting journey he led her on. She knew his room had to be hidden away, as she and Jack had searched for it in vain many times. Finally, after what felt like twenty minutes, he turned them wordlessly down a dim corridor to a single oak door. Rose tightened her fingers in anticipation as he pushed it open and pulled her inside.

Rose wasn't exactly sure what she had expected, maybe a room full of half finished projects, tools scattered about, and a simple bed. That would have been very suited for his personality. Instead she was met with a very normal bedroom, more akin to those professor style bachelor pads on television.

There was a desk against the far wall, and it was indeed covered with tools and half completed projects. A simple leather couch was against the closest wall, framed by side tables with mismatched lamps. The bed took up the wall across from what looked like the ensuite. It was a queen sized four poster decorated with the intricate carvings of his mother language. The blanket was black, but the sheets were a light gold. It looked pristinely made, like it hadn't been touched in days.

His smell filled the air. Each breath she drew was leather, grease, dusty books, and that spicy musk she associated with time. Being surrounded by that essence was a balm to the still festering wound in her chest. Rose drew a deep breath and let it out with an audible sigh of contentment.

"I'm going to go shower." The Doctor cleared his throat and gestured to his bed. "Make yourself comfortable." Rose watched as he headed towards the door she had assumed was the ensuite. Once it was closed she crossed to the bed and climbed under the blankets.

The smell of the Doctor was stronger here, under his blankets, and it was easy for Rose to figure out which side of the bed he preferred. Rose snuggled into her chosen pillow, breathing in his presence to help calm herself down. Something was tugging at her senses slightly, a floral smell that was familiar. A perfume she had tried at a market about two weeks before was lightly detectable from the pillow the Doctor seemed to use the most.

Rose chanced a glance at the close door that muffled the sounds of the Doctor's shower. She slid her fingers under the pillow and they closed around soft wool. Rose pulled, and let out a gasp of shock as her scarf she had worn slid out from under the pillow. She had playfully wrapped it around his neck as they had traipsed through some snow that day. Rose didn't even remember him never giving it back. A tiny bit of hope flickered inside of her.

Rose was still exhausted, so she shoved the scarf back under the pillow and snuggled under the blankets. Sleep was just dancing across the edges of her consciousness when the bed shifted. "Rose." The Doctor's gruff voice was soft, barely more than a whisper. She didn't respond, wondering exactly what he would do if he thought she was asleep.

Cool arms wrapped around her, pulling her back to his chest. Rose held back a shock of surprise as he was shirtless. Any time he had slept in her room, he had stayed clothed. "I know you're not asleep." He chuckled softly, his chest vibrating against her back.

"Almost." Rose laced her fingers through his on her abdomen and snuggled back against him. "Shirtless? Really?" She wasn't complaining, just curious as to how he'd react when she noticed.

"My bed, my rules." The Doctor retorted. "Don't see me complaining when you crawl into your bed in those skimpy things you call pajamas."

Feeling a bit more awake, she rolled over to face him. It was rare for him to comment on things like that. Some part of her wondered that this was in response to her finally letting him see her darkest secrets. Wondering just how far she could press her luck, she raised an eyebrow. "Why do you sleep with my scarf?"

Surprise and a bit of embarrassment flooded the Doctor's face, tinging his prominent jaw and ears pink. "Why were you snooping?" Typical him, avoid the question.

"That's not answer." Rose was having none of his evasiveness tonight. She was tired, cranky, and wanted some answers.

"Neither was that." The Doctor held her eyes in the dim light. So it was going to be an awkward staring contest, it seemed. Rose wasn't backing down this time. They lay there like that, faces centimeters apart, his minty breath mixing with hers. Finally the Doctor broke the silence. "Why didn't you tell me before?" Hurt and confusion finally crept into those glacial orbs. Rose understood why. They were best friends, though lately they had danced a thin line bordering on more. Best friends shared things like that.

Rose closed her eyes and curled her fists against his hearts. "I don't know." She sighed. "I guess I didn't want you to think I was weak or stupid anymore than you already do."

Fingers brushed her cheek, pushing her hair back behind her ear. "I've never thought you were weak or stupid." The Doctor trailed a thumb along her ear, and his chilly skin brought goosebumps along her arms. Did he not know just how sensitive a spot that was for humans?

"You call me and Jack stupid apes all the time." Rose tried her best not to sigh at the gentle strokes of her skin. The Doctor was never this affectionate when they snuggled before, and she didn't want to ruin the peace it brought.

"I never meant it." The Doctor sounded contrite, a new tone for him, and Rose wasn't sure if she liked it or not. It was good to hear, but didn't suit the personality she had grown to know. "You know I don't mean it." Rose didn't respond. She knew he only said it when they did reckless things that could cost them their lives. "Rose look at me, please."

The strange urgency in his voice cause Rose to open her eyes. He was staring at her, a strange glassy look in the Doctor's intense blue irises. He tilted his face forward, and Rose's heart quickened, and her breath caught. She wondered for a moment if he would kiss her, but their foreheads bumped together. "I know." Rose fought the urge to bridge the gap between them. She wanted to feel his lips on hers, but that would probably get her tossed from the room.

"You don't believe me." His voice wasn't an accusation, but a hesitant admission of his doubt. "I can prove it, if you want."

"How?" Rose worried her lip between her teeth. She was curious to see exactly how he could prove it. He obviously knew by now that she was used to hearing empty promises and fake assurances.

"Like this." The Doctor took one of her hands and raised it to his temple. "The way my people showed trust and sincerity was through the sharing of thoughts." Rose opened her mouth to protest. She had grown more accustomed to the idea of telepathy, even shared the occasional communication of escape plans with him when speaking was too hazardous. It had never been more than a brief moment, and he always ended it quickly. "We don't have to." The Doctor made to move her hand, but Rose wanted to mend this doubt between them.

"Show me." Rose whispered, pressing her first two fingers against his skin as he had taught her. His own traced down to cup her jaw, and she closed her eyes.

The familiar tickle of his thoughts brushed against her mind, just behind her eyelids, and she consented to the contact. She braised herself for the intensity that she associated with his entrance, but instead it beckoned her down an invisible tangent. She followed, focusing her thoughts to follow, and soon she was floating in a golden glow. The warmth she felt was astounding. His mind tangled with hers, dancing fleeting emotions until they snapped into synch.

 _Can you understand me?_ The Doctor's thought voice was never the same as his speaking, and Rose had always wondered about that.

 _Yes_. She replied. It was their typical initial exchange. Rose had once asked why he always questioned that, and the Doctor explained that he had to make sure his thoughts were in English and not Gallifreyan.

 _Let me show you_. He waited for her mental acknowledgment for him to continue, then memories began flashing between them. Every time he had called her a stupid ape or threw some other insult her way was replaying in civid color. The emotion behind it wasn't anger or disgust. It was fear. It was unbridled fear and panic that he had nearly lost her. She could feel the pain as if it was her own, and the intensity of it was astounding.

Rose was a bit shocked, as there was another emotion behind each memory, an emotion the Doctor was trying very hard to keep hidden. She brushed away the memories, letting him know she had seen enough to believe him. Yet, that emotion was luring her deeper.

She followed it on instinct, expecting him to shut her out at what she realized was a rude decision. Instead, he kept the connection open, teasing her with that warm tendril of wordless thought. When it brushed against her own thoughts like a caress, Rose finally realized what it was. It was love, and not the friendly companionship type love. It was deep and strong, but nervous and hesitant.

"Doctor!" Rose gasped aloud, almost losing the tenuous connection of their minds, and she hesitated for a moment. She felt the harsh tinge of of rejection color his emotions, as if he thought she did not view him in the same manner. Before he could severe the connection, Rose threw aside the shaky barriers he had taught her to build, and let her own love for him wash through the link.

Their minds snapped apart, and Rose gasped at the loss of his consciousness. Her sound was cut short as his cool lips pressed to hers. The Doctor was kissing her, and it felt like heaven. Rose responded, curving her body into him, trailing her fingers down his face to wrap around his neck. This turn of events surprised her, but she couldn't complain. She parted her lips, wanting him to deepen the kiss, but he pulled back.

"Like I said." The Doctor sighed. "I don't think you're weak or stupid."

"Shut up, Doctor." Rose laughed and pulled him back to her for another lingering moment. The infected pain she carried for so long finally began to heal.


End file.
